The Real Reason
by Vestal Virgin
Summary: Written for Katthryn for VAMB's Secret Summer 2015 exchange. When Chakotay returns from his first mission as captain of the Heron, he makes an unannounced visit to Kathryn. He must decide whether to reveal his reason for going to see her. Thanks go to KJaneway115 for the beta.


THE REAL REASON

SECRET SUMMER 2015

NC-17

Kathryn laid the book in her lap, stretched her arms over her head, and rolled her neck. She glanced around her dim apartment, blinking to refocus her eyes. The chronometer on the bookshelf told her she had been sitting in her favorite chair reading for over an hour. Through the large picture window, she could see the tall spire of Starfleet Headquarters, and personal transports zipping past as the sun dipped toward the horizon. Late evening was a busy time of day as San Francisco's residents left work for the evening's entertainment or dinner with family.

The city lights hid the stars, but she looked up anyway. Sometimes, the memories of _Voyager's_ journey refused to leave her mind until she could concentrate on little else. At other times, in the silence of her quarters on Earth when she was alone with nothing pressing for her attention, she forgot how arduous the Delta Quadrant had been. She mostly remembered laughing with the crew, the excitement of new discoveries, and the bonds of friendship forged along the way. For six months now, _Voyager_ had been resting in a dock, dark and silent. Empty.

Kathryn picked up her book again and turned the page. Her eyes moved over the words, but by the end of the second paragraph she realized she hadn't read a thing. She memorized the page number and then closed the book, laying it on the lamp table as she made her way to the replicator. She recycled her coffee mug and started to order tea when the door chime interrupted her.

Rarely did she receive visitors, and she ran though the brief list of possibilities in her mind as she stepped back into the den and straightened her black tunic and leggings. Facing the door, she called for entry. When the panel slid open to reveal her guest, a smile broke out on her face and her greeting rushed out on a breath. "Chakotay!"

Her former first officer stood tall with his hands clasped behind his back, his broad shoulders filling the entryway and his cheeks dimpled with a grin. "Admiral, I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"No, not at all. Well, except for that 'admiral' bit. Come in."

He chuckled and walked toward her, taking her outstretched hands in his and gently squeezing them. "It's good to see you, Kathryn. How are you?"

"I'm doing well, thank you." He had been gone for a month, captaining the _Heron_ to deliver supplies to Starfleet outposts. She had forgotten how he towered over her, particularly when she was wearing a pair of slippers instead of her uniform boots. The same sense of security that she used to feel knowing he watched out for her wrapped around her again as she held his warm hands. "When did you get back?"

He let go of her fingers and his gaze darted over her as he answered, "Last night. I thought I might catch you at work today, but I got tied up with the final report and debriefing. For the mundane mission it was, the admiralty wanted an unnecessary amount of detail and data."

Kathryn hooked her hands on her hips and stuck out her chin, but her twinkling blue eyes gave away her playfulness. "The admiralty, huh?"

Chakotay's brow twitched. "An annoying bunch. Bossy, too."

She laughed and dropped her hands to her sides. "I can't argue with that. We do have to keep the renegade captains in line." She waved one hand toward the kitchen and said, "I was about to get some tea. Would you like something?"

"Tea sounds good." He followed her into the other room and leaned against the counter while she replicated the drinks. He watched her every move, realizing how much he had missed her. Since _Voyager's_ return to Earth, he had seen her three or four times a week until being assigned his own ship. They had worked together during the debriefings and transfer of data to Starfleet, and when helping their crew members adjust to being home.

Over their last couple of weeks together, he and Kathryn had met three times for a quiet dinner. They had laughed a lot, touched more frequently, and lingered over glasses of wine long after their meal was finished. Then, he had left for his first mission on the same day that she took her place at Headquarters.

It had taken him the first week aboard to stop looking to his right for her, and another week to stop fidgeting in his chair in the _Heron's_ ready room, feeling like he didn't belong behind the desk. Several times, he had started to contact her but decided that he needed the distance to adjust to his new command and crew. But standing in her kitchen, watching her slender fingers pass his cup, he couldn't believe he had let four weeks go by without even speaking to her. He had known on his way over what he wanted to say, and what he hoped would happen when he saw her again. He had been wrong about the distance he thought he needed.

"How are you really, Kathryn?" he asked, reaching for his tea. "Are you okay with the promotion?"

She leaned her hip against the counter and cradled her tea cup. "I am. It's different from what I'm used to, but I knew that going in." She looked down and watched the steam rise for a moment before adding, "I needed this change. I think we both know that."

His voice was quiet and gentle when he replied, "What I know is that you will make a fine admiral, just as you were the finest captain I've ever known."

She couldn't quite hide the small, half smile. "Thank you. How does it feel to be a captain again?"

Chakotay set down his teacup and rested his hands on the counter behind him, his fingers wrapping over the edge. "I have a competent crew, and Commander Heath is eager to do a good job. It took a while for everyone to stop looking at me like I have two heads, though."

She glanced up, catching his eye before fixing her gaze on his chest. "I get the same thing, as do most of our old crew. I watched some poor cadet walk into a tree because she was looking at me instead of where she was going." Over Chakotay's laughter, Kathryn said, "I've never seen a face turn so red. I was embarrassed for her."

"What did you do?"

"Pretended like I didn't see her. What else could I do without making it worse?" Kathryn put her cup beside his and looked up at him again.

He couldn't stop staring at her, and his heart pounded in his chest. He thought of a hundred reasons why he shouldn't take this chance, and a hundred more why he should. The scales tipped in favor of "should" the longer he stared.

With one step toward her, he reached for her hand where it lay at her side. When her fingers wrapped around his, he took another step and held her waist with his other hand. He bent down and paused with his lips hovering above hers, giving her time to turn away if she wanted to. She remained still, and he closed the distance between them.

He sealed his lips to hers in a kiss firm and sure, but not demanding. He didn't try to force her mouth open or press her body against his, but he left no doubt of his intentions when he finally pulled away. Holding their joined hands against his chest, he searched her expression for a reaction.

Kathryn lifted her free hand to his jaw, and her thumb brushed the corner of his mouth. "I missed you.".

"I missed you, too."

"So, we're going to do this now?"

He smiled softly and kissed the pad of her thumb. "We are, unless you have any objections."

She shook her head. "No, no objections."

"Good." He pulled her into an embrace before he pressed his lips to hers and licked her bottom lip. She immediately opened for him and met his tongue with hers as her hands gripped the back of his head. Her responsiveness told him everything he needed to know, and that she wanted him as he did her. A starship no longer stood between them, and their reasons for remaining apart no longer mattered. With their tongues and lips teasing and tasting each other, Chakotay caressed the small of her back.

In the midst of the kiss, Kathryn could hardly believe the turn the evening had taken. With his strong arms around her and her breasts pressed against his chest, she felt whole for the first time since leaving her ship. She hadn't exactly wandered aimlessly for the last six months, but there had been something just out of reach, something she needed and longed for but could not or would not define. That something had been someone - the man who had served by her side for over seven years and stolen her heart in the process. The final piece to her new life clicked into place, and she moaned with the rightness of it.

The sound she made tingled along Chakotay's nerves, and he knew she could feel his arousal. He slowly ended the kiss and then laid his cheek against hers, his breath whispering over her ear. He held her tightly and said, "I came here planning to ask you to dinner and maybe a cocktail afterward."

She curled her fingers through his hair. "You should know by now that I don't stick to plans very well."

"No you don't, do you?" His hands slipped lower to her buttocks, and he smiled when she rocked against him. As wonderful as it felt, though, he had to be sure. He loosened his grip and leaned his head back. "The rest of the night is up to you, Kathryn. What do you want?"

She took a deep breath against the knot of swirling emotions in her throat. "The same thing I have wanted for years. You."

"I ship out again in a week."

"I'll be here when you get back, and after your next trip. I'll expect more than monthly contact, though."

He grinned. "I'll try for daily. How does that sound?"

"I can live with a promise for as often as possible, whether that is weekly or more."

"It's a deal. Are there any other negotiations you want to conduct before you show me your bedroom?"

Her eyes widened slightly at his implication, and then the blue seemed to darken. "Prioritizing is important when negotiating. Let's call this one a success, and return to the table tomorrow."

"I like your style, Janeway."

She backed out of his arms and stopped in the arch between the kitchen and den. "The bedroom is this way, Captain."

"You don't know how often I dreamed of saying that."

She laughed and headed up the staircase with Chakotay following. Her room was light and airy, with a large bed centered against one wall, a simple bedside table and lamp in the corner. A chest of drawers sat along the adjacent wall. Across from the bed, a large window was flanked by bookshelves, and a wing-back chair and ottoman completed the reading nook. Light blues and greens in the chair and the bedding helped to brighten the typical 'Fleet gray of the carpet, and various photos and paintings decorated the gray walls.

Chakotay approached her where she stood by the bed, raising his hand to comb the ends of her auburn hair. "I kept looking for you on the _Heron_ , thinking that I caught a glimpse of your hair and the way it shines in the light, or that I heard your voice in my ready room. I wanted to save the seat beside me at the conference table in case you miraculously showed up. It's my ship, but it doesn't feel right without you on it."

She began unbuttoning his shirt, sliding her fingers down each inch of his skin as she revealed it. "I've missed our talks in the mess hall, and our coffee breaks on the couch as we reviewed reports. I don't eat at my dining table because you aren't there with me."

"We'll have to do that while I'm home, then."

"Are you, Chakotay?" She paused at the last button. "Is this your home, or will you return to your planet?"

"My home is with you. There is nothing left out there but memories, most of them bad ones. I don't know how many times a man can start his life over, but I'm willing to give it one more try with you."

Her smile made his breath catch, and his heart skipped a beat when she unhooked the last button and slid the shirt down his arms to the floor. He grasped the sides of her tunic top and pulled it over her head, then unhooked her bra and dropped it on the pile of clothing. Heat flushed his body when he saw her bare breasts for the first time, the soft, pale mounds tipped with dark pink nipples. He grazed the backs of his knuckles over her, and then cupped her full breasts in his hands.

"You're beautiful, Kathryn. I could never say that out loud before, and I regret that."

"You made me feel it. Even when I didn't want you to, you did."

He chuckled, and then sucked in a breath when she slid her hands down his chest and abdomen. He gently guided her to lie down on the bed, and then removed her slippers. When he reached for the waist band of her leggings, she lifted her hips without hesitation. In one long movement, he removed the pants and her underwear and tossed them over the end of the bed. He took in the sight of her lying nude before him while he shed the rest of his clothing.

Kathryn held out her arms, wanting to feel the weight of him skin-to-skin on top of her. When he lowered himself over her, she pulled him down into a heated kiss that sent chills down her arms. His bulk pushed her into the mattress, and she thrust against his length trapped between them. Their movements increased and her fingertips dug into his shoulders. She could feel the dampness between her thighs and the pulsing in her sex.

She broke off the kiss and panted for breath. "Please, Chakotay."

He propped on his elbows and laid his forehead on her shoulder. "I don't want to hurt you, love. We'll take it slow."

"Next time. I need you now."

He pushed the length of his erection over her clit once more, and then reached down with one hand and slipped a finger through her folds. "You're so wet." He wanted to hold back, to take his time with her, but her words and her response to him were driving him to the edge. He raised his head to look down at her and the passion on her face decided for him. "Tell me if I hurt you."

She nodded and lifted her knees higher, opening herself for him. Chakotay gripped his shaft, slid through her oils, and then slowly pushed inside. Her eyes closed as her hips rose, and then he was fully seated in her wet heat. With a groan, he wrapped her in his arms and pulled back his hips before plunging forward again. She gasped and her walls gripped him, nearly breaking his control.

"Are you okay, Kathryn?"

"Yes." She bucked upward, encouraging him. "Please."

He smiled against her ear, shifted his knees slightly, and began long, punishing strokes. The memory of Kathryn's cry of ecstasy and her heels digging into his back would fuel his days when he had to be away from her. As she curled tighter and tighter around him, he wrapped one hand over her hip and quickened his pace. He knew he had hit the right spot when her neck arched and her nails raked down his shoulder blades.

"Come for me, love. Let me feel you. Give me all of you." He watched her face, the way her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth opened, her neck flushed with pink.

A few gasping breaths later, she stiffened in his arms and her eyes snapped open to his as she cried out again. Her body shuddered beneath him and her sex clamped down as the orgasm seized her. Chakotay rode out her climax, knowing he would never see anything more beautiful.

As the clenching waves slowed, he picked up his pace again, driving into her as he chased his own release. Within seconds, his muscles pulled taut, he plunged to the hilt, and his pumping shaft filled her. He rocked against her after he was spent until he finally stilled and collapsed in her arms.

Kathryn stroked his shoulders and neck, and he smoothed her hair away from her face. With a gentle kiss, he rolled to his side and gathered her to him. "I love you, Kathryn. That's the real reason I came over tonight. I just wanted to tell you that I love you."

"I love you, too, Chakotay. Tonight and always."


End file.
